Reflection

Alrighty, alright! Last blog post ever for The BIBB  which is actually bitter sweet. I’m going to love not writing them yet at the same time am going to miss the reflection period that writing the posts offered me. At first I wasn’t even going to write a blog and instead just write in my journal but after talking to my friend Camille about it she highly suggested I write one so my family and friends back home could have some idea of what I was doing and learn more about Botswana. It was probably one of the greatest things I did because not only did it alleviate my grandmas fears as they knew what I was doing and help my mom from going crazy from missing me but it allowed me to give a glimpse into what life is like living in Botswana. Now I say Botswana because there were a couple messages that my Batswana friends really wanted me to bring back to the states: 1) I can say I know what Botswana is like but not Africa. They feel that a lot of time Americans clump all 53 countries of Africa together into one big country instead of looking at all the different cultures. And I can attest to the differences in culture because Mozambique was a world away from Botswana even though they are literally right next to each other. They want people to stop having broad generalizations about every African and realize that the continent is huge, the countries are different and each place has a unique culture. 2) They wanted me to make the distinction between the country of Botswana and the people who are Batswana (many people) or Matswana (one person). Therefore, the country name is really pronounced “Boat-swana” and the people are “Botswana” if that makes any sense (sorry Julie, I didn’t take speech phonetics in college). One day, Elt and I were watching the news and they had a story about Americans in Botswana and he got so angry because they kept saying the Botswana incorrectly. He couldn’t believe that someone would come to the country and not even say the name correctly. 3) The final message/misconception that people in Bots wanted me to bring back was that they do not live in mud huts and walk around barefoot and have no roads. It is not like The Lion King and is a developed city with highways, buses, tall buildings, electricity, etc. My response to this is that it is like someone watching Jersey Shore  or The Hills and believing that what is seen on the show is what America is like. Yes, there are some aspects to Jersey Shore that show American life ie the ocean and boardwalk but most of that show is a terrible, exaggerated and false representation of American life. So in terms of what we see on TV about some African countries and think about it, some aspects are true; there are some areas that are so impoverished people have no food or shoes or water, there are people who live in traditional huts without electricity, there are a lot of animals that wander around but these generalizations cannot be applied to every country in Africa.

Okay, now time to get off my soapbox and reflect more on my time there. Since being back people have constantly asked me, “So, how was your trip?” I appreciate them asking me about it but how do I sum up the craziest, most challenging, most interesting five months of my life? I didn’t really go on a trip but I moved and assimilated into another culture. Plus so many things that happened to me changed me in a way that I can’t verbalize and explain with one question. I grew and became stronger than I ever thought I would. I was out of my comfort zone everyday and although it was difficult and I love being back in that zone, it made me realize I can grow, survive and live in a new environment making me open to new experiences and situations. On the same token, I understand that for my friends it can be difficult to know what to ask and how to relate to my experiences. My only advice for anyone who’s friends have come back is to continually have them talk about it and not just the first time you see them but to continuously ask them questions over the following months. I mean when you go out to eat, ask them about the food. When you are on the bus, ask them about the transportation system in the country. I always want to share things about my time abroad but am afraid and nervous that people will get bored with it and think that’s all I can talk about. And because of this I’ve had a difficult time caught between wanting to share my stories with not wanting to sound like I’m bragging and only focus on my time away.

Along with not knowing when to speak about Botswana and when to keep quiet, I’ve had a hard time adjusting back to the American lifestyle and experienced dramatic culture shock which although has been difficult I think has been a wonderful measure for how much I’ve changed. Studying abroad changed how I see the world. I know appreciate my opportunities more than ever before and whenever I start to complain about something realize how lucky I am that I get to complain about it. I started school this week and was stressing about the amount of reading I have to do for my classes. However, after taking a step back and thinking about Old Naledi and those kids there it made me value that I am in an educational institution that is challenging me and I am so lucky to have the opportunity to attend the university, read the articles.  Little things that I use to take for granted like pushing the stop button on the bus, I know appreciate. The way classes start on time in school and people are in trouble for being late I appreciate. These little things I used to complain about are so minor in the realm of real life and compared to the problems faced by people in other countries. I am so grateful that the experience opened my eyes to this yet at the same token has made me resent American culture in some ways. I’m finding it harder to relate to my college peers in schools because priorities are different, harder to relate to some friends and I had a very difficult time enjoying Disney World. I even broke down in tears because I was so overwhelmed by Disney. When I was there and saw just the stupid things people were complaining about, the amount of stuffed animals and, for lack of a better world, meaningless crap people bought and the huge amount of wasted food and resources there, it made me sick. I just rejected American culture and the consumerism and materialistic element we have because what child needs ten stuffed animals when some kids in other countries have never even seen a stuffed animal and instead play with bottle caps and litter. What 200 pound man needs an overflowing plate of chicken and then doesn’t even eat all of it when people around the world and in our own country go hungry every night? Looking at all this just made me sick and think of how many other ways the money spent in Disney could be spent to make the world better for a lot more people. I called my dad crying about how overwhelmed and upset I was and we talked about how I am a changed person but also how lucky I am that I get to realize how materialistic and consumption-based American society is. I mean complaining about the culture is a #firstworldproblem (a little saying we use when some problem is so stupid that only people in developed countries complain about it. For example, the remote not working is a #firstworldproblem). Him making me see that I am lucky I get to complain also put things back into perspective and make me realize how fortunate I am and value my life.

Beyond changing my perspectives of the world, I’ve become inspired by the people I met abroad and they have made me want to be a better person. I was always so touched by Kylee who would come back after volunteering at the clinic or hospice center. She would come back so upset and emotionally drained because of the things she saw and instead of moping around, she would say how she wants to do something to improve the quality of life for these people. She was sad for how hopeless many people were and she wanted to do something to inspire them. This attitude of wanting to make a change inspired me too. I feel like if I was in her position I would feel bad about what I would see but that was it instead of feeling a burning desire to change the system. This was just one situation and one person. At another time I asked Anthony what he would do with unlimited money and he said instead of donating all of it to a good cause he wanted to find a way to make a permanent change in people’s lives to improve their quality of life and healthcare. Good people!

I made such strong bonds and friendships with people who in the states I don’t think I ever would have been friends with simply because we run in different circles and have different interests. Yet it takes a certain person to move to Botswana for five months and because of this we were all so similar. We all wanted to learn about the culture, assimilate into it, stretch ourselves moving out of our comfort zone and help in any way we can without believing ourselves to be superior and without the typical “savior” complex that many Americans have when going to an African nation. We weren’t there to spread God’s will or spread American ideology, but to learn more about a culture that is so misunderstood in the states and then use that knowledge to break down misconceptions and foster relationships between Americans and Batswana. 

Overall, I love being home: seeing my house and dog, hanging out with my family, teaching classes at UMD. However, life is back to normal which is great but also kind of boring. Unlike in Botswana where on the weekends I’d be volunteering at a game reserve or getting lost in Botswana, at home I sit around, watch TV, maybe go for a run. Things that used to be really fun and exciting here at home, no longer hold much interest for me.  A lot of my friends from UMD have moved away for jobs or to go home so I have less friends around to do fun things with whereas in Botswana I had everyone in my program geared up and ready to explore at any moment. It’s funny how things work. I needed to be away from home to realize how much I love home and the states but I needed to be away from Botswana to realize just how much the experience meant to me. It meant so much that it has confused me to no end as to what I want to do with my life. I know that I want to make a difference in someone’s life and therefore after graduation am hoping to apply and work with an international aid organization. But only time will tell.

I wanted to end with some profound, life-altering quote and I found this one the other day. I just started reading The Great Gatsby and on the first page is the quote, “Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had.” It’s probably one of the only quotes that has stuck with me because it has made me rethink about every judgment and criticism I made or make, appreciating every privilege I have been granted. The second quote and final sentence of The Bibb is a quote from T.S. Elliot that we read at our final dinner in Botswana about studying abroad and our experience traversing Southern Africa:

 “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring, will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time."

Thank you all one more time for reading my blog, listening to my stories and supporting me throughout this adventure.